


There's Pieces They Can't Take Of Us

by Ripped_Jeans_and_Love



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternative Universe Bookshop & Tattoo Parlor, Anxiety Disorder, Bucky owns a bookshop, Depression, First Meetings, Multi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Steve runs a tattoo parlor, everyone is a 20 something hipster, various pairings - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-02-25
Packaged: 2018-05-10 23:47:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5605615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ripped_Jeans_and_Love/pseuds/Ripped_Jeans_and_Love
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James Barnes was a prisoner of war, then he was a pawn in a game, but that was before. Before he managed to free himself and return to his childhood home of Brooklyn.  He is now living in his little hipster sub section running a vintage bookshop and trying to manage his anxiety. His best friend Janet Van Dyne,budding fashionista, is the only person who knows his whole story or at least that is what he thinks.<br/>His whole world turns upside down when Natasha, local bartender and potential love interest for James, shows up at his door with a flyer for a new tattoo parlor that could expose his past to everyone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

James groaned as he shifted his body, he knew better than to sleep on his left arm but he still managed to. Next to him he could hear the familiar buzz of his alarm clock, he swung his arm around trying to find it until he heard a familiar crunch of it breaking. “Shit,” He mumbled as he rubbed his eyes, “Shit.” He rolled over in the bed wrapping the blankets around him tighter. “I don’t want to wake up.” A minute later he heard the phone ring, “I don’t want to answer the phone.” Still he grabbed the phone off the nightstand. “Hello?”

“Good you’re awake,” A cheerful voice chirped.

“No I’m not. I’m still.”

“You have to be awake right now.” Janet's voice was no longer cheerful as she switched to a serious tone.

“Why?”

“We have work to do? Remember you agreed to drive me to the expo today? James please tell me you didn’t forget. I need your van I have to take the dresses.”

“I didn’t forget, I just didn’t remember it would be so early.”

“That was your choice remember? Because you didn’t want to have your shop closed up Now please meet me at the store in.”

“45 minutes, I need coffee, I need to shave.”

“I told you the scruffy look worked on you.” He smiled for a second before shaking it off.

“I told you I didn’t like it.”

“I’ll be waiting in 45 minutes.” 

Bucky hung up the phone and rolled out of the bed. He threw down the blanket and made his way to the kitchen. He sighed as he realized that forgot to pick up coffee the night before. “Damn it. Get your head on straight Buck.” He sighed again and shook his head. “Name’s not Buck anymore. Just pick up coffee on the way there. You can do this.” He walked back towards his room and looked at the blanket on the ground. Without thought he grabbed the blanket and curled back up on the bed. He grabbed the phone from the nightstand before pulling the blanket over his head. “Janet don’t hate me.” He said, “Just please don’t hate me.”

“Why would I hate you?”

“I can’t today. I slept wrong, there’s no coffee.”

“You slept wrong?”

“I slept on my arm. I can’t do this today okay? I just can’t. You can still take the van.”

“I can’t drive, I never learned. James please.” He hated when her voice dropped low and she sounded desperate. “I need you.”

“Sam can drive. Call him. I can’t, you know if I could I would.”

“I’ll come get the keys and bring you coffee.”

“Thanks Janet, I would be lost without you.”

“Are you going to be able to open the shop? Should I call someone?”

“No I’ll be fine, I have a new shipment today I’ll be in the back all day.”

“If Sam is driving me who is going to be watching the store?”

“Shit.”

“We’ll figure it out when I get to your place. Be there in 10, unlock the door for me.”

“Where’s your key?”

“I’m not sure in my loft but it just disappeared one night after a bottle of champagne. You know me.”

“Yeah I do. I’ll see you in 10.”

The door opened and a short girl came walking in in heels carrying a coffee in each hand. “James?” She called out, “James I’m here. Come out please.” James emerged from his room his hair went in every direction. “There you are,” Her voice trailed as she noticed that he didn’t zip up his sweatshirt. “Casual Monday?” He gave her a lopsided smile and sighed. “I brought the coffee,” She said motioning to the cups on the table. “Are you okay? You’ve been having a rough couple weeks, is everything alright?”

“Tell Sam I’ll pay him for his time.” James said pushing his hair out of his face, “Are you mad at me?”

“Of course not I understand” She mimicked him pushing her bob out of her face. She moved closer placing a hand on his shoulder. “How’s your arm?”

“It’s fine, just stiff. I’ll run the store today.”

“Clint is going to come in, I called him he said he would be happy to help for a few hours. That will be enough time for you to get things unloaded and then all you have to do is put them in the system. Sam will come in early tomorrow and help you put them all away hopefully you will have your energy back by then.” She wrapped her arms around him until she felt him relax. “Are you alright? I can stay home today.”

“Go, I’ll be fine. Please don’t worry about me.”

“You don’t make it easy.”

“Go.” He slid the keys into her hand, “Thanks for the coffee. Call me tomorrow and let me know how it goes.”

“Clint will be at the store at 10, I told him not to bother you.”

“I’m so lucky to have met you.”

“I know you would be lost without me.”

“Now go so I can get ready.”

“Please take care of yourself today. Call me if you need anything.”

“GO or you’ll be late.”

“Bye!” Janet ran out the door, James grabbed his coffee cup and walked back to his bed.

“Don’t get back into the bed,” He said, “Don’t do it.” He sat on the bed and took a deep breath. “Don’t do it.” He shook his head and headed towards the shower.

 

The sun glared off the windows of his store he blocked his eyes from the gleam as he wrestled with the key. A familiar figured leaned next to him and held out a flyer. “You didn’t come in last night.” She folded her arms over her chest and sighed. He turned to look at her annoyance spread across his face.

“Not now Tash,” James mumbled, “I have work to do.”

“Why didn’t you come in, I told you I had a surprise.” She leaned closer to him her long red hair brushing against his cheek. He moved away desperate to get away from her touch. 

“This would have been a much better surprise last night.” He noticed her hand reaching out for him and moved just out of reach. He hated the look of hurt and confusion on her face but he couldn’t help it. He never meant to make people feel the way he always did but he couldn’t help but bring them into that world.

“I didn’t feel up to it, going out I didn’t feel like it.” He meant to go out, he meant to meet her there and even maybe go back to her place after close but at the word surprise everything crashed inside of him. He didn’t want surprises the unknown scared him more than anything else. He didn’t want to know what Natasha would have for him in her dark bar, it would only lead to disaster he had decided early on. 

“OK well here, the surprise.” She held the flyer out again and James took it. A flyer for a new tattoo parlor opening up a few stores down. “Well?” She wanted a reaction from him but she knew how he felt about tattoos after their talk a week ago. She showed him all her tattoos before he ran from her apartment knowing he was getting himself in too deep.

“I’m not getting any more tattoos.” Not thinking he started to pull the left side of his cardigan tighter to his body. Nat noticed and pulled his hand away from the fabric. He stared at their hands connected for a moment before pulling it away. “I don’t see the point in pretending anything in my life can be permanent.”

“Shit,” Natasha said under her breath, “I forgot, this isn’t about you getting a tattoo, I wouldn’t mean to suggest that. Just promise me you’ll go there.”

“Why?”

“Just do it okay?” She placed a hand on his shoulder, gentle and urging. “It opens next week, you’ll understand then.”

“I don’t need a tattoo, You know how I feel about.”

“This isn’t about you getting a tattoo.”

“Why else would I go to a tattoo parlor?”

“Maybe you’ll find something you’re missing.”

“Why can’t you just tell me, I don’t have the strength for riddles today.”

“I don’t want to ruin the surprise just think about going. Were you with Janet last night?” James shook his head, “Then who?”

“No one, I didn’t feel like going out. It’s not a guarantee that I’ll be there every Sunday night.”

“I just miss you when you aren’t. You won’t even give me your number.”

“I can’t deal with more people in my life right now.”

“Which only sucks for the people who want to be there. I’m your bartender James, I’m already in your life and you don’t realize it.” She brushed her lips over his cheek, “I like it when you forget to shave the 5 o’clock shadow does good things to your face.” She walked off towards her apartment throwing back one last look before she turned a corner.

“I didn’t forget, I just couldn’t.” He opened the door and went inside turning on the lights as he did. A few minutes later he heard the sound of the door opening.

“Just me Boss,” Clint called out, “The delivery is here also.”

“Thank you so much for helping me today,” James said, “If you would just count the till and open up shop that would be great, I’ll deal with the delivery.”

“Janet told me you were low today, if you need anything just ask.”

“Thank you.” James grabbed the 4 boxes and carried them to the back.

“How does he do that?” The delivery man asked staring towards the back room.

“He works out a lot.” The delivery man scoffed and began to push the dolly back out to his truck. “If you’re trying to keep a low profile maybe not lifting upwards of 500 pounds with no struggle would be a better idea.”

“What?”

“4 boxes full of books? You just lifted them with no effort. He noticed. Just looking out for you boss.”

“Just go out front please.” James took off his cardigan and laid it on the ground next to him. He hated wearing it but he also hated the feeling of everyone staring at his left arm. He started to brush the hair out of his face smoothing it back into a ponytail. “Please Clint, I’m low, so low that everything is a struggle. Let’s not make this worse okay?”

“Of course.” Clint went back to the front. James started to sort the boxes placing the books in piles by genre. “I’m making coffee do you want coffee?” 

“Please.”

“Anything good?”

“Would you like me to do this out front?”

“What?”

“I can do this out front. If you would rather not be alone out there?”

“You would do that?”

“Makes more sense than you coming back here every few minutes.” Clint laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Do you want to grab the books or a table?”

“Table, definitely table.” Clint grabbed the table and headed towards the front while James placed the books back into the boxes. When he got to the front Clint had the table set up and a mug of coffee sitting just to the right of a stool. “You need your cardigan back on.”

“What?”

“Your cardigan, I can see your arm. I know you’re self-conscious about it.”

“Thanks Clint.” James went back to the back and grabbed his cardigan.

“So what did Nat want? I saw her talking to you when I pulled up.”

“Something about a tattoo parlor opening up.”

“Are you guys getting matching tattoos?”

“No, what? Why would we?”

“I thought you were a thing? Sam said he saw you two getting close a few weeks back.”

“You and Sam need to stop talking about my life.”

“We worry about you always being alone.”

“I’m not alone, I have you guys. Besides Tash is my bartender nothing more. Hey look at this one.” James held an old book out to Clint, “First edition don’t mess it up.” Clint grabbed the book and stared at the cover.

“Yep looks like a book, a rather thick books, I don’t.”

“Look inside.” Clint opened the book carefully.

“Someone wrote in it?”

“It was a gift, the person giving the gift inscribed it.”

“Does that hurt the value?”

“Not at all. In this case it increases it.”

“Why?”

“Read it. Steve, Captain America to you, he bought a copy of Gone with the Wind for his mom when it came out. She loved reading romance novels and this was supposed to be the best. SO when she started getting sick more often he saved up all his money and got her this book.”

“How do you know it’s real?”

“Oh I know don’t worry.”

“You won’t be able to sell it off of your good word.”

“It’s not for sale. It’s for my personal collection.”

“I forgot about your collection of books you think once belonged to Captain America, do you really think there is a market for something like that?”

“Captain America meant a lot to the people back in world war 2. Yes there would be a market for it even if I wasn’t buying up everything for myself.”

"Why do you care so much?”

“Captain America meant a lot to my family is all. His stuff shouldn’t be with people who don’t want it.” Clint handed him back the book and James held it closely before setting it down.

“He didn’t even see the war, they kept him stateside and he was just a prop.”

“Oh but he wanted to see the war. There was nothing more that boy wanted than to be in the fight. The only reason he agreed to the experiment was so he could go over, it’s a shame it didn’t work out for him, who knows what would have been different.”

 

“You okay boss?”

“I’m just glad I found this book.”

“You and Nat are cute together.”

“No we aren’t. We’re just the only 2 people you know who speak Russian. We’re fire and ice, she wants to go out and party I would rather just stay in where things are quiet.” 

“What about you and Janet?”

“What about us? I don’t think our friendship is a cause for concern.”

“No, that’s not what I. James, Janet and Nat are both interested in you.”

“I’m not interested in either.”

“If you had to pick?”

“Why would I have to?”

“Humor me.”

“Janet, at least she understands. Now please no more questions like this or I’ll go back to the back.”

“Fine. Do you want me to start putting the books in the system?”

“You can do this box.” James reached for the box of new books and handed them to Clint, “Priced at whatever the tag says.”

“Yes, sir.” Clint moved the box towards the counter where the register sat. “What’s this?” He asked holding up the tattoo parlor flyer.

“The flyer for the new tattoo shop. From Nat?”

“Did you look at it?”

“I glanced.”

“Are you going to go?”

“I don’t want more tattoos.”

“I think you should go and I think you should take that book with you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Actually look at this flyer.”

“Yes another American tattoo shop, I’m sure this town will really enjoy the theme of the place.”

“James look.” Clint shoved the flyer in his face. “Howling Commandos tattoo parlor. Wasn’t your tattoo something Howling Commandos.”

“I’m sure it means nothing that was just the nickname of my group in the army.”

“Maybe your group found you?”

“They’re all dead. I need to go home. Just stay as long as you can then lock up. I can’t do this today.” He grabbed the copy of Gone With the Wind and left the store. Before he even got to his place his phone was ringing. “No, not today. Just not today.” Still he sat down on his stoop and took the call, “I’m fine Janet.”

“Clint said you ran out of the shop in a hurry.”

“I can’t today.”

“Sam and I will come back.”

“No, don’t ruin your day for me, I’m home now I’ll be fine.”

“Did you eat?”

“Coffee.”

“No, James, did you eat are you hungry?”

“No.”

“I’ll send food over in a little while, why don’t you go change back into your sweats and find your blanket.”

“You don’t have to send food for me.”

“Do you feel up for cooking?”

“No.”

“Then I’ll have food sent over all you have to do is open the door.”

“Alright.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come home James?”

“Stay.”

“I don’t mind.”

“Stay please, you’ve been excited about this expo for too long to throw it away.”

“Did that book come in today?”

“Yeah, Steve’s book. It’s perfect.”

“I’m glad, now what time do you want lunch?”

“Send it over at 1. I need a nap, Clint is exhausting.”

“I know, I’m sorry I told him to be good. Go get a blanket and relax I’ll send food at one. Call me if you need me.”

“I will, now get back to your expo.” He hung up the phone and went inside. He found the blanket on the ground near the bed and grabbed it pulling it to the couch. He curled up  
hiding underneath in the warm fabric. “You’re okay, you’re okay.” He repeated until he started to drift to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

“You’re awake,” Janet said, “Why didn’t you tell me it was that bad?” James stared at her sitting in the chair opposite the couch. Her hair stuck out in a million ways and her makeup was smeared across her eyes. “James talk to me.” He shook his head and tried to remember what words he needed.

“Nap, I said nap.” He croaked out. His throat was too raw, too dry to speak too much. 

“You didn’t answer the door when the food came, the delivery guy called me.” He shook his head again; he hadn’t remembered hearing the doorbell. “I had to tear my whole loft apart looking for the key to this place you didn’t answer.”

“Janet.” He pointed towards the window where sunlight was streaming in. “Only a few hours.”  
“It wasn’t a few hours. That was yesterday! I came home early and rushed over here to find you on the couch. I was terrified about what I was going to find. Don’t do that to me James, just don’t pretend like you can just disappear on a low day and not have me worry.” She moved over to couch next to him, he noticed the tears that were filling her eyes.  
“Sorry.” It was a weak statement, but he didn’t know what else to say. Even after all this time he didn’t know how to deal with people caring about him, he didn’t know what to do with others emotions.  
“Does it have anything to do with this?” She held up the flyer for the tattoo shop. “Clint said you two were talking about this before you ran out of the shop yesterday. He said Natasha gave it to you, does it have something to do with this?”  
“Where did you.” He grabbed the flyer, trying to hide it.  
“You were clutching it in your sleep, I pried it from your hand.”  
“I don’t remember grabbing it.”  
“James what’s going on? I can’t help if you don’t let me in.” She rested a hand on his back. “Please let me in.” He moved away from the touch. “Why can’t you let me help you?” He shook his head.  
“I should shower.”  
“I’ll order us lunch. You need to eat don’t argue.”  
“Okay. I should probably shave too, my 5 o’clock is getting crazy.” He smirked and rubbed a hand over his chin. “I’ll be out soon. Don’t worry.”  
Janet muted the tv when James emerged from the bathroom a towel wrapped around his waist. She smiled for a moment before turning back to the tv. “I should go to the shop, if it’s as late as you say.” His hand tugged at his hair as he desperately made eye contact with her. "Probably shouldn't let it stay closed for a full day after I shut down early yesterday." “Sam’s watching the store, I asked him to open last night when it didn’t seem like you would wake. Go get dressed, I called for pizza it should be here soon.”  
“You don’t like my arm?”  
“I like it just fine, I know you don’t like people to see it. Go get dressed, I’ll find us something to watch.”  
“You’re too good to me. I don’t deserve a friend like you.”  
“Damn right.” James went into his room and pulled on a new pair of sweats and a tank top. He ran his hands through his hair combing it out before heading back to the living room.  
“I’m hot, will you answer the door when the pizza comes?”  
“Of course, and I talked to Clint he said he might stop by later but I told him not too. He said something came to the store for you yesterday after you left.”  
“I don’t want to talk to anyone else but you today.”  
“So talk to me what is wrong? If I have to go buy this place from this guy I will. I won’t let this tattoo shop ruin your health.”  
“Don’t joke Janet.”  
“I’m not, I’ll have my dad buy it if it is going to ruin you.”  
“I’m not ruined, don’t be dramatic.”  
“You just slept for a day! But I’m being dramatic.”  
“You knew I was low yesterday.”  
“I know that I don’t like getting calls saying you aren’t answering your door on low days.” Janet wrapped her arms around her legs resting her head on her knees. “I didn’t want to find out something happened when I left you to do something stupid.”  
“Your expo wasn’t stupid. I didn’t realize how exhausted I was.”  
“I should have realized how bad you were.”  
“It isn’t your job to take care of me.”  
“I know, I also know that you aren’t as honest with others as you are with me. You’re my best friend and I worry. I was just caught up in my own things yesterday.”  
“We didn’t know, it’s fine.”  
“What is it about this flyer?”  
“Howling Commandos?”  
“Yeah that was your tattoo but that could mean anything.”  
“It means a very specific thing. It means my past is catching up to me, I gotta leave.”  
“Do you think it’s them? Don’t you think there would be a more subtle way to stalk you?”  
“I think it might be a warning. They probably want me to know.”  
“Nobody is going to let anyone hurt you. This town loves you.”  
“This town doesn’t know me.”  
“You’ve been here 2 years. We know you, you’d see that if you would just let people in.”  
“It’s not easy.”  
“This flyer, what is it?”  
“Tasha told me to go. I told her I don’t want another tattoo but she insisted. I didn’t even notice the name until Clint pointed it out. No more Janet, I’m done talking about this.”  
“Do you want to talk about what’s going on between you and Nat?”  
“No.”  
“I saw you two kissing a couple weeks ago and now…”  
“Did the expo go alright? I didn’t ruin that for you did I?”  
“I left early but I booked 3 clients. That’s probably all I needed anyways. 2 wedding dresses and 1 gown for a charity event..”  
A knock came from the door James pulled the blanket over his head.  
“No more people. If it’s Clint send him home.”  
“It’s going to be our food, I ordered pizza. You don’t have to do anything.” James removed the blanket from his head and watched from over the back of the couch as Janet answered the door. He watched as she handed over a few bills and closed the door holding a pizza box. “Do you want to eat at the table or stay on the couch?”  
“Couch.” James said, “I like the couch.”  
“Alright, I’ll grab plates.” Janet grabbed the plates from the cupboard before sitting back down in the chair, “Please eat.” She pleaded putting a slice of pizza on a plate and holding it to him. He took the plate and held it for a moment before taking a bite of the pizza.  
“Thank you,” He said, “Thank you for taking care of me.”  
“I would do anything for you.”  
“Do you like me?”  
“You’re my best friend of course I like you.”  
“No, do you have romantic feelings towards me?”  
“Why would you ask that?”  
“Clint said something. He said you and Tash like me.”  
“Natasha does, she’s crazy about you. She just doesn’t understand why you are so hot and cold with her. I don’t understand it either to be honest. I know you like her. Why don’t you allow yourself to be happy?”  
“I’m happy. I’m happy I promise.”  
“I believe you. We don’t have to talk about this, I’m sorry for bringing it up.”  
“You’re fine.”  
“You’re not going to leave me are you?”  
“What?”  
“You aren’t going to leave me? You said earlier that you had to leave I don’t want that to happen. I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t here.”  
“You were doing fine before I got here.”  
“Yeah but now I don’t know how I could go on without you.” He smiled and concentrated on his pizza. “I noticed you didn’t answer.”  
“I don’t know until I find out what’s going on.”  
“Are you up for going over there now?”  
“What?”  
“We can go look into it now, Sam texted me and told me that someone is there working on the place right now.”  
“We can go. Might as well get this over with.”  
“Are you sure? We can wait until you’re better.”  
“No we can go. I want to go.”  
“We can just walk past and look we don’t even have to do anything.”  
“Let me put on real clothes.” James went to his room and took a couple deep breaths as he grabbed a pair of jeans off his floor pulling them on slowly. “How hot is it outside,” He called out looking between 2 shirts laying on the bed.  
“It’s pretty warm, wear something light. You know you don’t have to cover your arm.”  
“Yes I do. I don’t want it to be a reminder to people.”  
“What are you afraid it is going to remind them of? Nobody knew you back then, you’re different now.” Janet stood leaning in the doorway.  
“It’s a reminder.”  
“Are you afraid it will remind you of who you were?”  
“No, that is not something I could ever forget. So this one?” He held up a light long sleeve shirt and Janet nodded. He pulled it over his head messing his hair up.  
“I’m going to make you new shirts for this summer, something lightweight so you don’t over heat yourself.” She smoothed his hair down, “Something that is flexible so you can move freely.”  
“You have 2 wedding dresses to worry about don’t concern yourself with me.”  
“I can do it all. Come on.”

 

James stood in front of the tattoo parlor, his mouth hanging open at the sight of a tall blonde male hanging up framed sketches. “Janet do you see what I see? This isn’t possible is it?”  
“I don’t know what you’re seeing but I can tell you’re spooked, what is it?”  
“He looks like Steve, but he can’t be he would have died years ago, or at least would be an old man but he’s still so young.”  
“So are you, how is it possible for you?”  
“I was experimented on. Frozen even.”  
“He was experimented on too, you always say it. He signed up to get into the war.”  
“It can’t be it can it? Why would he be hanging around here?”  
“Why are you? It was his home too.”  
“But he if he is still alive why would he need to hide, I understand why I do but why would he?”  
“Why don’t you ask him?”  
“I can’t, come on this is worse than I feared.” He grabbed Janet’s hand trying to pull her away from the window. “How did this happen? How can he be here, he can’t be here. He can’t know I’m here.”  
“Why not? This should help you, this should be helpful.”  
“But it’s not. I died.”  
“No you didn’t, you were captured.”  
“Everyone was told I was dead. I shouldn’t be here.”  
“Bucky?!” The blonde yelled stepping out of the shop, “Bucky is that you?” James turned slowly to look at him. For a brief moment James locked eyes with him before turning away scared that he was giving too much away.  
“Steve?” James said his voice catching in his throat. “I mean no, I’m not Bucky.” The blonde stood for a moment dumbfounded but then shook the feeling from his face.  
“I’m sorry, you just look like someone I knew a long time ago.” He went back into his store and James looked at Janet.  
“How could you lie to him like that?” She said swatting his arm slightly.  
“I didn’t technically lie, I’m not Bucky anymore.”  
“Why not?”  
“Because Bucky was someone else entirely. Bucky was just an innocent guy forced into something that was bigger than him.”  
“Yeah but you could be him again if you wanted to.”  
“How?”  
“Maybe if you talk to Steve you could find your way back to that.”  
“Impossible, the world has changed too much, I have changed too much.”  
“James,”  
“I’m going home, don’t follow me.”  
“James!” Janet yelled standing in the middle of the sidewalk watching him walk away.


End file.
